Double dribble
Why, because I'm black?
Yeah, that's what I thought
Me?
Ten seconds left. We need a basket
Play one. Play one
Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Here
Get in
Bring it in!
Bank's open, Lenny
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
Bank's open
His foot was on the line
First off, I'd like to thank the Earnshaw family...
...for lending us their beautiful lake house to help celebrate our victory.
Yeah, the Ferdinando Five
They're dynamite
You're drunk, Dad
Yeah
Hey. We're here to celebrate the kids' shots, not your shots
Anyway, I wanna talk about what you kids did this afternoon
You know, you played the game just like I always ask you to.
You left everything you had out there on that court.
So that when the final buzzer went off...
You were champions
Now, I want you to promise me something
I want you to play life just like you played that game today
So when that final buzzer of life goes off...
You'll have no regrets
Here's to coach
You're my first champions My first champions.
Stick together
Time to die -No.
Murder.
I am the biggest agent in Hollywood and you just pissed me off.
And now I'll pull Brad Pitt from your movie.
I'll pull Julia Roberts from your movie I don't care, Sandy.
That's right, you better back down
Thank you. Have a good Fourth of July All right, love you too.
What's up, boys? Hey
Greggie, Keithie
You guys ever hear of a game called Chutes and Ladders?
Pretty awesome game. I used to play it when I was a kid
Okay, what it is, is they give you a spinner
And you spin. If you land on a ladder you get to climb up the ladder.
If you land on a chute, you slide down the chute and start over again.
Yeah, and what happens? The winner gets a training bra?
Yeah, Dad, that game sounds like it sucks
I'm telling you, this was the greatest game. Me and my buddies would play it
We'd go down in the basement drink hot chocolate.
Lwouldn't mind hot chocolate right now
Hey, Rita
Rita
Dude, you gotta text her She's doing laundry.
Hey, Dad, we were at the Spielbergs' house yesterday
They have a 150-inch TV. Can we get one of those?
When you direct E. T. I'll get you one of those
-Beg for mercy. What is the object here? I don't get it
You're on a cruise ship and you chop people's heads off with a chain saw?
Oh, and you can drown them
Oh, you can drown them Now I get it.
Granny overboard.
Can somebody answer the phone?
Maybe I should get some chamomile for my throat too.
Stop texting the nanny. You know how gross that is
.for a kid to text his nanny? Just go down the hallway.
Why? You text everybody
I text people for my job so I can make money to pay for your texting.
Okay, I got everything for you, boys -Who was that on the phone, Rita?
I'm sorry, Mr. Feder, I don't know Becky answered.
Okay, okay. Thanks for making that -Oh, my God, Rita.
This isn't Godiva. What are you trying to poison me?
Good Lord, go back to texting. I don't ever wanna hear that out loud again.
What the heck's going on out here?
Oh, my God
I didn't mean to. It was an accident
I don't care. Are you all right? What the heck were you doing?
I was trying to use the Navy
The Navy? What's the Navy?
The Navy in the car to ask it a question.
You mean the navigation system, idiot
-Keithie, relax. Some man called
He said your friend, Coach Buzzer went to heaven.
I was trying to find heaven for you on the Navy station...
So you could go visit him
Who's your friend, Dad?
Coach Buzzer was someone very special in Daddy's life.
It's terrible
Okay, go drink some hot chocolate with these guys.
You sure you're okay?
Okay, sweetie
You're splashing your brother
Eric, hon? it's your mom
Oh, my God. Eric. Are you all right?
Donna
Oh, my God, Bean. Bean, stay on the duck
Stay on the duck. What is happening?
Oh, hon
Hello, Mommy
-Hey. Hey, Mom
Hi, Mom
Well, I'll see you there. All right
Hey, is something wrong?
Yeah, it'll be all right. I'll talk to you about it later
Hey, hey. I made the pumpkin risotto that we saw...
...on Rachael Ray's Seasons of Summer" special
-it's awful, Mom. It tastes like roadkill
Deanne, you hear how they talk to me? Do you hear how--? Say something.
All right, kids. Now, you know your father works very hard...
...at keeping this house clean and putting meals on the table for us
Hello?
Besides
I brought us a pizza
You know what? Fine
Have your pizza. Have your pizza
You broke my heart
Looks like it's his time of the month again
God, that's rough, buddy
Who's making the funeral arrangements?
Oh, his niece? She must be devastated
Hey, is she still hot, do you know?
Don't make me lose my temper Marcus.
What?
Hey, if I don't make it to the funeral...
Tell the police it was Arlene from Applebee's.
No, thanks for calling me
And I'll see you there
6
The coach is dead
His funeral is this Friday
I don't think I can handle this alone
Can you come with me?
Of course
I'll postpone my cataract surgery
You are my special lady
Now I'm gonna transport you to a world of serene relaxation
Okay, guys, let's try to act normal in there
What's wrong with your sunglasses?
I don't want these guys to call me -Hollywood!
Hey. Look at that. Kurt McKenzie -Hey.
And the whole McKenzie clan -Come here, man.
Deanne, you look great -I do?
My wife's over there. Go and say hi. Children
I see that ass is still growing
Got a little Kardashian in there
Well, you've kind of turned into a little Michael Vick thing, if he was bulimic.
Hi, Roxanne
I don't know if you remember me I was at your wedding.
I was the one that was table dancing all night. Deanne McKenzie.
Of course
-Deanne, hello. Hi, good to see you
Oh, my God, you're glowing
You look so beautiful with your pregnancy.
What the hell are you talking about?
I'm just playing
Oh, my God. You should see your face. You were like, "Huh?
Little Lenny Feder
Mama Ronzoni got big, huh?
Look at this handsome hunk of prosciutto.
And such a big success
Come on, give Mama a kiss
Can I get a--? Can I get a cheek at all?
I got you, I got you. Poked in the eye by the hat, but I'm all right.
How about your son-in-law here, I hear he's a house husband now
My daughter's gotta bust her hump all day to pay the bills...
While dummy here stays home and cleans.
I don't know how you could talk to me like that...
...when you look like Idi Amin with a propeller on your head.
-That's nice that he could-- Roxanne, this is my mother
Hello, Mama Ronzoni, I'm so pleased to meet you. I'm Little Lenny's wife.
What a spicy quesadilla you got yourself, Lenny.
Yeah, she tastes great
be
Didn't I tell you to turn the phone off there, Greg?
Yeah, but it's my massage therapist
What? No, no. No cell phones
No cell phones? Then I'm out of here
Higgie
Who's ready to get their funeral on?
I'm sorry, death makes me weird
What's up, McKenzie?
You got those soft hands Still using Palmolive?
Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
What does that mean? -You're fat.
No. No. Hey, guys, this is good news I always wanted to represent you.
You're the third Olsen twin?
Keep it down. Hey, so these are your kids?
And who's that girl? That's not a nanny, is it?
No, no, this is a friend of ours from China.
Oh, yeah. No, I've been on that website
No, no, no
Like an exchange student that-- My wife brought her into the house
Oh, your wife's into chicks Oh, that's nice.
Hollywood. See, he always lucks out
Just an exchange student -I always thought--
Hey, now
Lamonsoff. Rolling up in a Caddy?
That's how we do it
And you, you've grown up on me, man. Are you a B-cup now?
Hey, nice ears. You get the NFL package on those?
Nice Caddy. You selling lawn furniture and crack?
Come on, I'm the co-owner of Branchville Lawn Furniture, man
I'm the boss now, baby
Oh, good for you, Eric
Glad you brought your mother -Oh, that's a good one.
Lt's like shaking hands with an Eagle I'll see you later.
Oh, my God. it's Captain Caring of the SS Melodrama.
Oh, he's gonna play this one big
Cue "Hey
6
Hell of a circumstance, huh? -I know, I know. It sucks.
Great to see you
Well, the Buzzer's up there coaching heaven's team now
-That's true. He's got Wilt, Pistol Pete, Dr. J
Yeah, Dr. J's alive still
Well, those type of guys -Yeah, yeah.
You look good, though, man
it's like if Elvis was an Oompa Loompa
he's right in front of me
Well, I don't make jokes at funerals because it's disrespectful.
But if that's part of your healing process, I'm cool with it
That's nice. Thanks
Are you cool with a finger in you?
Hey, Roxanne
Remember Rob, the guy I always tell you about? Rob?
Of course
The kid who didn't hit puberty till he was 19, right?
That was our secret
And this must be your mother
My wife
I'm sorry
Hi. I'm Gloria
Oh, it's so nice to meet you. Your design line is so beautiful
Oh, thank you, thank you
And I love your scarves -Thank you.
She'll be tying me up with those later.
He's not kidding
Oh, grody
Oh, those are long, long tongues
We'll see you in there See you in there.
Hi, guys. Right over there? Yep
Sit right here, sit right here. I'm gonna go say hi to Lenny
-No, honey. Oh, hi. Lenny
How you doing?
I heard through a little bird
...that you guys rented the Earnshaw lake house for us
for the entire weekend
That's like a dream come true for us.
We had to rent it for the whole weekend be
We don't get to stay the whole weekend. We have to go to Milan
For Roxanne's fashion show
Oh, my God, that's a shame
Oh, but you're gonna have so much fun in Milan.
You know, J Lo and Marc Anthony vacationed there last year.
Lt's up the street from Lake Como where George Clooney has a villa
I read too many of those magazines
-No. Come on. I'm sorry
He hates when I talk about this -We'll just--
We are backing away Ashamed, right?
Oh, and Tom Cruise got married there too
Thanks for letting me know -What?
Well, I don't understand why you had to rent it for a whole weekend.
Because it's a holiday. They won't rent it to you for one night
So your friends are partying all weekend while you're stuck in Milan
-Yeah. That's nice of you
It was nice of us. it's your money too, isn't it?
Yeah, it's your money, it's his money it's my money.
Let's put all our cash in a pile and split it.
That's a nice hat, it brings out the death in the room
I'm sorry, I'm nervous. And it's a funeral, I get weird
There he is, Joe Hollywood
Mr. Big Shot Agent
You think he represents Hulk Hogan?
No way
Then he ain't that big, is he?
By the way, if anyone asks, Rita is an exchange student
Andre
I think I just sat on your adding machine
Now I know what happened to the fish tank.
Coach Robert "The Buzzer Ferdinando...
Was a caretaker by profession
What a wonderful word to describe his devotion to his fellow man.
He truly took care
When Robert knew that his time was short
...he told me there was one specific man he wanted
_.to say a few words to memorialize him.
So I'd like to ask Lenny Feder to come up now.
I'm sorry, I'm not prepared at all
I feel very honoured
that coach asked me to do this, but--
I also feel terrible because I haven't seen the coach in so long
And he always wanted me to come to town and see him...
...and I got caught up in what I've been doing and I regret it
I understand that the St. Mark's team of 1978...
Was the only championship team that the coach ever had...
And that's very impressive I gotta say...
Judging from the talent we had to offer.
I mean, believe it or not
Robbie and Marcus were actually shorter back in 1978.
But those guys had a skill you never mastered.
They knew how to pass the ball
Looks like somebody has to learn how to pass the Kentucky Fried Chicken.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding
We're saying goodbye to a big part of our lives. All of us.
You affected everybody in this room
And I hope we get to live our lives like you
Have no regrets when life's final buzzer sounds
So let's all bow our heads in silence
They should have just ended it right after you.
This is insanity
Yeah
Five bucks it takes him down on one knee.
You're on
Stop it
Grow up, will you?
Oh, look at him now
Don't get so mad there, Robbie
So how we feeling about Rob's girl? We're happy for him, or--?
Oh, my God. The St. Pauli Grandma? She seems all right.
She's pretty. You know, in a "me in a wig" sort of way
Yeah. Yeah, exactly
When Ben Franklin was flying that kite and it had the key on it...
That was to her apartment
Oh, that was good, man
You know, but I gotta say, he seems like he's in love, you know?
He was in love with the first three wives
The Cheater, the Beater and the Eater.
You know, his problem is he's always so overly in love so quick, you know?
And then one day he snaps and then it gets ugly in a hurry
Coffee, Mr. Feder?
No, no, no. I'm good, I'm good
I mean, thank you. That's cool of you to voluntarily wanna give me coffee.
Just, you drink it, you know, while you're studying inside the church.
But you texted me you want coffee
I texted you that I wanted you to drink the coffee and study.
So study your books in the church
Go ahead. All right, Rita
Fast food? You guys eat the fast--?
Mommy, I want some milk
Oh, sure, angel. You come here I'll give you a little something.
Slow down, honey. Not such big gulps
You're gonna get a tummy ache
Your son is so cute -Yeah.
How old is he?
Oh, he's 48 months
That's 4
Yeah
We meant to stop last year but he likes it so much...
And we don't like to say no
Hey, sweetheart?
Could you use a fork, please?
0
No, no, no!
Looks like she didn't get the memo
-Hey. Let me get that spot. Hey, gotta respect the Caddy
it's nice you drove your piggy bank here
6 6
Hey. Hi, Gloria
Look at this -Come on.
Yeah
Hey, Rob's car is an Oompa Loompa too
-Okay, watch the edge. it's cute. it'll do for one night
Yeah? You can handle it?
Daddy, what is that machine doing? it's getting rid of the moths, honey.
Where's it taking them?
-Hell. Don't say that, Higgins
I'm sorry. Not hell, Mexico
No, it's giving them electricity
so the moths fall asleep electrically.
It's electrocuting them?
-No, no, no. But, Daddy, they're dying
it's killing them? -No.
Daddy,no
No, no, it's not
Okay? Let me adjust it
Look, they're all all right I promise you.
See? Look at this guy
He's still sleeping
it's dead, Dad
A porch swing
I know what I'm doing this weekend
Now he's dead
Welcome back to 1978, everybody The lake house.
Nothing's changed it's unbelievable.
I don't remember this big
This is my kitchen. This is it, right now
Oh, please, enough with the kitchen
Why you so mean?
We could've done this
-An organ. Oh, my God, look at this kitchen
-That's enough. Could you at least humour me?
Is this like an Outward Bound thing?
I mean, it's like an episode of Lost
Hon, you might not wanna bang on that
But I like playing it like this
Okay. Okay
So listen, guys, who's getting what room?
Actually, I made a map of who gets which room
I took the liberty of reserving the room with the waterbed...
For Gloria and myself
You're gonna do the backstroke tonight
I wanna go swimming with you guys tonight
Oh, honey, we're not really going swimming. What I meant was--
That's okay. She doesn't need to know what you mean
I don't even know what you mean -Oh, I know what she meant.
Anyway, let's get back to the room picking.
Rob, would you like to take us on a tour?
I'd love to show you a tour. Gloria was just trying to be cool
I need someplace near a bathroom
Why does the grandma get to go swimming and I don't?
Let's go, let's go
Okay, here's the big daddy
The master bedroom
You know what? Lenny should have that. Lenny should have that
Oh, no, no, no -I agree.
Honey. Honey. Come on, let the kids have it
it's a fun time for the kids to be together and they can do kids' things
Come on, go share it. Share the master bedroom
Kids win
Yeah. Yeah. Don't you think?
Yeah, okay
Coo Coo
Hey, Dad
What's the big box attached to the back of the TV?
That's the rest of the TV
They didn't always have flat screens there, sport
Wow, that is some Stone Age shiznit.
-Yeah, that's wack. I need a room with heat
it's summer. it's like 95 degrees in here
There he goes again
I got bunions
You know, I actually have a poultice I make, using maize and herbs.
Just say corn. Maize is corn, everybody
Yeah, he says maize because it sounds more mystical
Well, I like the way he said it "Maize."
"Maize" Maize
it's fantastic, okay? -it's a-maize-ing.
I just spread it on cloth and I moisten and heat it
and then I apply it directly to the affected area.
Okay. Well, my affected area is pretty big.
Oh, no
Mama, I didn't know the Elephant Man lived in your shoe
How in the world's anybody supposed to get some sleep...
Knowing they under the same roof as Toe-be Bryant over here?
You're stepping over the line woman.
So, what's with that Labradoodle? It sounds like Stephen Hawking.
Curly, he had his vocal cords clipped
A neighbour filed a complaint
so it was either clip the cords or put Curly down.
Wrong choice
Come on, he's part of the family you know?
Imagine when a burglar comes over and hears that. He must run in terror
Wow, what's that turkey doing in the house?"
By the way, Lamonsoff, your son
What's with the boob thing? isn't the kid a little old?
He'll be rubbing her boob with his beard soon.
He's gonna get a milk moustache on a real moustache. That won't look right.
That kid, when he's 10, on his bike
the mom's gonna be in the basket he's gonna be like:
-Come on. Okay, wait, I got this one
Chain saw pedicure, 50 points
Why are they inside right now anyways?
Why would they not come out here and enjoy the lake...
Or do something in the woods?
There wasn't a time of day that I wasn't outside.
You know, we weren't. We were always-- We were never in
All heads on deck!
Look, there's blood squirting everywhere!
I can't take it anymore -Chop his arms off.
Oh, he's being a dad. Look at this
Dad. Don't, Dad. My high score
That's it. No more video games. No more cell phones. No more texting
Just from now on, while we're here stay outside and play.
What are we supposed to do?
Just play like normal kids. Come on, move it. Where's Becky?
Let's go. Let me show you how the Pilgrims used to hang
When we were kids, your dad used to talk us into doing the craziest stuff.
That's right
Yeah, I remember one time we got our shower curtains.
Put them in shopping carts and went shopping cart sailing.
Wait, how did you steer?
-Well, we didn't. How'd you stop?
You just smashed into something That was the fun part.
We used to shoot bottle rockets at each other.
You go for the guy's face because you wanna blind him
Okay, no, that's a little much, pal
No. No, I know. Kids, don't do that
You know what, erase, reboot
Okay. Look, look. Make a tree fort. I'll get you started
Rob lived in one of those for a year
why?
My dad took away my roller skates
Vietnam flashback
Wait a minute. Are you kidding me?
What? What?
Nice
Rope on a tree, baby. You know what that means
We get to hang ourselves?
You see a rope and a lake and that doesn't make you wanna go nuts?
It makes me-- You know what?
You know what, let me show them
-Yeah. Yeah,baby
Dude, get up on the top rock
-Yeah, you're right. You gotta back it up, back it up
Go, baby
The class is in session
Who wants to see a double flip?
Too high
-Now drop. This was a mistake
I can't let go, I'm too scared
That was awesome
Oh, God. Oh, God, my leg's snapped
Oh, my God, the bone's sticking out I need help.
It's a stick. I got you
Very good
Daddy, that bird is hurt
Oh, my God. I'll go get a shoebox
Here you go
Hey, did you really land on that bird, man?
I'm not sure
I did hear a chirp and a crunch-like noise, but that could've been anything
Okay
Keith. Sit down. Sit down
Dad, I wanna sit next to you
Daddy's gonna be down here with his friends first and then--
Lenny, remember we used to come here late night after we got wasted?
What's "wasted"?
Nice one, Higgie
Wasted," kids
is something that happens
when you have a hankering for ice cream.
I wanna get wasted I wanna get wasted
I wanna get wasted every day
I wanna get chocolate wasted
No, you don't need to get wasted it's okay.
All right, you know what let me make this easy.
Seventeen burgers and 17 fries, okay?
And that'll be just for me. What are you guys having?
Lamonsoff
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That's for everybody Just put it on that.
-Oh, you don't have to do that. I am not gonna have any hamburgers
I'll take some meat loaf some calzones...
But put the marinara sauce on the side.
With corn, either on the cob or whatever you got.
Are you going to the electric chair? -What?
No, he was just kidding, Henry VIII
She's eating for two her and Toe-bo Cop
But, Mama, they do have bunion rings if you want some.
That was good, Lenny
How about some drinks?
I said I'm paying, so take it easy with that, okay?
I'm kidding, everybody. I'm kidding We can drink all we want.
I'll start it off. I'm gonna have a Coke
And I know Donna, she's gonna want a Sprite, correct, sweetie? And ....
Bean's good with milk, obviously
I want cookies
Cookies and MILF
MILF? Oh, Higgins, thank you so much
Take it easy, all right? Hey, tuck it away, sweetie
And I'll take a flat water. Voss
What?
You know, Voss. Or Fiji, if you don't have Voss
Yeah, you know, anything you got's good
We have out of the faucet
Like, from a hose?
Tap water
What country's that from?
Oh, my God. Just get the water. We're done talking about water. Tap water.
I go get the Voss from the b
You just sit down, Rita. Just study a menu. The big test is coming.
I'm sorry, what now?
He says they have the best burger in town here.
Really? Since when did you learn to speak Chinese?
It's just something I picked up watching a cooking show.
That's great. Maybe you should focus a little less on the talking...
And a little more on the cooking
Burn
You got told
You got toe
He comes back
Mommy, can I have some of her milk?
There he is
Joe Hollywood
Who's that? Dickie Bailey?
Oh, my God
Hey, long time no see How you doing, man?
You know, that game had some bad calls.
Now, what game are we talking about? The game?
What, when we were kids 30 years ago, that game?
That last shot?
Your foot was on the line Shouldn't have counted.
I don't know. I don't remember it quite like that.
You got the rest of the Fugly Five over there, huh?
Yes. Yes. They are The boys are here
Boys?
They don't look like they can make it up and down the court anymore.
What about you? You put on a few pounds?
From when I was 12?
Yes, I think so
You don't know how to come at me do you?
Rematch. I dare you
In basketball? You don't look like you're in the greatest shape either
I could see having a getting-off-the-couch contest, but
Anytime, anywhere
I was just kidding. I really don't wanna do that
Next time you come to town, I'll have plenty of that Boss water for your kid
-All right. Wouldn't want him to go thirsty
All right, well, just for the record, it's Voss water, by the way, with a V
Okay
Gonna be an emotional day tomorrow spreading the Buzzer's ashes.
Oh, my God
The coach requested that we scatter his remains on Mclntyre Island
I got a beautiful ceremony planned
Lenny, you gonna be able to do that? What time do you leave?
What are you talking about? -What do you mean, leave?
I forgot to tell you, fellas. We gotta take off in the morning
-You're leaving? You can't leave.
-We got the ceremony tomorrow. Lenny's just playing, everybody
No, he's not
Are you joking?
I wanna be there. I mean, we all wanna be there. We gotta go to Milan.
Milan, what? Italy? What's in Milan?
It's pretty cool. Roxanne's got her fall line coming out
-Fashion week. Three nights at the Four Seasons
Eggs Benedict by the pool
PlayStation 3 in every room
and they show boobies on Italian TV.
I'm going to Italy
No, we all-- I didn't tell you guys, we're probably gonna go to Italy as a
Thanks for ruining the surprise
Lenny, it's not gonna be the same without you.
Yeah, come on
Roxanne was cool enough to let us come tonight. This is a big deal.
Can't Roxanne go without you and you can meet her there?
No, we are a team, me and my lady and we do everything together.
Last year, we had to skip Becky's school play for Milan
Roxanne
I thought we were gonna get wasted.
Sweetie. What was I supposed to do lie to them?
It's not what you said it's how you said it.
I am not some insensitive work-crazy dragon lady.
And I'm not gonna let you depict me as one.
We are skipping the dinner in Milan...
Spreading the ashes
and we're leaving first thing Sunday morning.
Lamonsoff, it's 5 in the morning Can you kill the dog now?
Thinking about it
Go ahead. Birdy coming through, everybody
Hey, morning
Morning. Take it right over to the table
How we doing? Something stinks in here
Gloria and I are making breakfast for everybody.
Using a dehydrator, which never cooks anything above 115 degrees
Those are pancakes? -Ocean pancakes.
They're grey. They look like you cut them off an elephant's legs.
I'm not eating that -it's good for you.
What is this? What is this?
A scab?
It's dehydrated banana
What happened to a normal banana? Peel a banana and eat it.
The kids'll love it. it's fun, man It doesn't go bad.
-You slice it thin-- I see what you do
Maybe you're right. This is good
Is that what it's meant for? -You could.
Well, I'd rather be hit by dehydrated fruit than processed
Processed food
-I'm just kidding around. You think you can just slap people
I don't think that. Don't say that Come on.
Morning
Honey, how is the birdy?
Those are the Christian Louboutin shoes
I know I'm overdressed
But, sorry, I packed for Milan not the lake.
Made from acorns
So, dude, I'm not eating any of this You got any normal food? Cereal?
Would you like me to make you egg-white frittata, Mr. Feder?
I mean, is that what you're doing in science class now?
Making frittatas?
No. We're okay. You can go practise that in your room, though
I know you got the big test coming
You know, honey, I think you're overwhelming Lenny
Here, I got a present for you
Bacon
Knock yourself out -Bacon.
She gets it
She gets it. She gets it Hey, she gets it.
Thank God she gets it
All right, so
Hey, what are you doing?
Cooking the bacon
Not in here. That's dead animal flesh it's not going near the vegan food.
Murderer
Fine. What do I do with it? Oh, I know.
I'm sorry, buddy. I'm sorry
Curly. Shame on you
That crazy dog
Must have got into some of my leftover pasta fasul.
Yeah, Mama, I'm sure that's exactly what happened
It did
We should get a dog
We should get a water buffalo
Higgins, what are you doing?
I don't wear pants at my house, I'm not wearing them in your house. Sorry.
That was a man's ass?
All right
Yeah
Let's see this. Look at that
That's it, buddy
Okay, throw the rock
Skim it
Throw it at a tree
Throw it at the lake
Throw it at your brother
Hit your head with it
Just do something
Come on
What are you doing dressed like that? You hanging out with Jiminy Cricket?
We were supposed to be going to Milan, remember?
That's what I packed for
Just cut those into shorts
We'|| play some hoop later -Pass, dude.
You don't want revenge for the time I whupped you?
That was four years ago, homey
All I want is to fly to Milan and have some fresh-made gelato
What would your father have done on that one?
That one wou|d've been a backhand to the side of the head...
and possible bleeding from the ear
My father wou|d've thrown me down the stairs for using the word gelato.
You got the new Foreman -Yeah.
Hilliard was trying to make me some tofu Grape-Nuts in there.
Try it out
-You cleaned this? Yeah, I cleaned this thing
-Take it. Thanks alot
By the way, Mclntyre Island ain't close
Eat as much as you can, we got a big row ahead of us
You didn't clean that well
Come on, man. What are you doing to me? Seriously
You don't want your breath to smell like your grandmother's closet?
Slow down for Robbie, guys
You're gonna lap me
Beautiful. You gotta respect going to Mclntyre Island.
Haven't done that since we're 12
Got my first boob there
I know. Tracy Thornhill -Tracy Thorn--
-Yes. Absolutely
A little flat, but I was a fan
All right, Higgins. Is that all you think about is chicks?
-We got daughters. That's all you guys think about
Difference is, I can do something -Not true. All right, that's true.
You wanna know what I fantasise about?
Candy bars
Candy bars?
No, I had a bad blood sugar test at my last checkup and Sally cut me off
You're a grown man, how do you deal with that?
Oh, I got my own hidden stash |'m not stupid.
Seriously, I got it all
I got Reese's, Butterfingers 3 Musketeers.
I hide them under my clothes in the bottom of the hamper.
lt's great because the smell in my sweat socks mask the chocolate smell
And the looks of your underwear masks the chocolate stains.
Hey, hey, hey, hang on, guys I gotta make a sissy.
-No, no, no. I gotta make a sissy
You made three already
It must be just oozing out at this point
Shut up, |'m trying to concentrate
|t's taking a piss, not the SATS
Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Listen to hamper bottom
I think he's sending a message in Morse code.
Getting old. Stop
Can't pee. Stop
Reeks like asparagus. Stop
Even though I didn't even have any Stop.
The good news is these girls are gonna say hi to it.
What's up, ladies? -Hey, girls.
That is so gross-looking -Did you see that?
They don't all look like that, ladies -You gave that thing 300 pounds--
Come on
Sick mix tape you made, Robbie
-Oh, yeah. Hey, guys, I brought something too
-Get out of here. |t's the net, yeah
Championship game
-Let me see that. I thought the coach should have it
Robbie, you gotta put this on the urn, buddy.
That's cool
Your foot was on the line -Bailey.
What do you think the coach wou|d've said if he heard that trash-talking?
He'd kick our ass for not kicking his
-Yeah. Or we do it the old-school way
Have Eric beat his ass for us -I know, we should.
No, no, no. I got about eight seconds of fighting, total, left in my life.
And |'m saving that in case I get mugged...
...or, you know, someone cuts in front of me at Burger King.
-That's my hamper bottom. We can't delay it anymore, guys
He just bit his chicken. All right -Are we going? Okay.
Let's do it
You know, I think the coach is here with us.
I think he's proud to be here with us in ash form.
Right here on this island, where we hid from our parents
...and where we're hiding from our wives and children
Yes, we are
Goodbye to you
friend
wise-advice giver
buzzer-noise maker
Rob, come on
I really messed up my marriages
All of them
It was my fault, man
I just cou|dn't hang on
You know, my own daughters
I don't even hardly know them
The Buzzer would be ashamed of me -No.
Come on, now
You got time to patch things up with your daughters.
You just call them when you get back
Actually, they're gonna be here in about 20 minutes.
Wait, what?
I can use a piece of chicken
No, not with those hands Coach hands. All right.
Finish the bucket
Actually, l'm still gonna eat it. This is pretty sick, but l'm hungry
Lamonsoff
Go, old bucket. Drop it
Piece of crap car
What?
Hey, Dad
Me?
What?
How do you get that -Hey.
from that?
Ninety-five percent of that's gotta be from the mother.
And I am Iowballing
Hey, Jasmine
How is that possible?
Oh, no. The Elvis hairs are going up her nose.
She doesn't know what to do
That's sweet
Is this your car?
My old man lent me this turd
Because he doesn't care if I break down in the middle of nowhere
and get eaten by a bear
Your old man?
Yeah, my boyfriend. Forty-seven years old
You know, I wish I liked guys my own age
but |'m just chasing the dad that ran out on me.
Hoochie mama
What does that mean?
I don't know, but it feels right
I hope that car never gets fixed
I don't think it will
I took the spark plugs out
Nice
We're all looking at the same time Let's at least take shifts.
Lamonsoff, you and me look at the tree
McKenzie, we're gonna look at her butt for a little bit.
All right. Good plan
And, shift
Shift
And shift
What are we doing?
Wait, are we all looking at the tree right now?
Yeah. Let's go back to the ass
Hey, Jasmine. This is Gloria
Gloria, this is Jasmine
Oh, look, here comes Grandma Gloria to the rescue.
Let me take a look
Oh, honey
You've blown your gasket
No good
That was rough
If you guys thought seeing them at the car was gross...
you should have heard that waterbed action.
Sounded like two grizzlies fighting over a salmon.
-There was a lot happening. At least he's getting something
|'ve been shut out since Deanne found out she was pregnant.
-That'|| happen. You have sex when they're pregnant?
Does that hurt the baby? -McKenzie can.
The baby thinks he's getting a Tootsie Roll
-That's good. Snickers. Snickers
A little bigger. A little bigger
I got lucky on Saint Paddy's Day but she was half-asleep.
And by half-asleep, I mean she was asleep
Yeah, she was out. Yeah
You're allowed to do that
She'd rather not be awake
Hey, how'd it go with the daughter? -Awkward.
I guess the first 20 years of a kid's life is more important than I realised
Yeah. |t's always the kids who pay
Kids pay
They pay They pay
-They always pay. But they pay with maize
Was good hanging with you guys
No, no, no. We're catching up -Come on, man.
l'm glad my family turmoil can provide entertainment for you guys
Let's cheer him up. How did we cheer Robbie up in the old days?
A little arrow roulette?
-Arrow roulette. Did we really do that?
Single stupidest thing we ever did
It was the craziest
Moronic -Asinine
-All right, fellas. I can't believe we're doing this
How do we always Iet Lenny talk us into the stupidest stuff?
Remember, whoever stays in the circle the longest wins
-I don't like that part. Whoever stays longest
Okay, guys, here we go And a one. And a two...
Why are we doing this?
0
Hold
I don't see it -Where is it?
I lost it in the sun -I lose.
Curly
I am the champion
I beat all you pansies
Go, go. Come on, come on, come on Hurry up.
Oh, you're moving it You're shaking it.
My hammy
You complaining about your hammy? I got an arrow in my foot.
Easy,easy -Stay calm.
What's going on?
Rob got attacked by an Indian -Yeah, but he got away.
-What? He got attacked by an Indian?
-Daddy, what happened? Amber. |'m glad you got here
This is my daughter Amber everybody.
You got another one?
-Dude, high five. No, no high five, my wife's coming
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. God, you made me look at this
This is killing me
Bridget, come down here Daddy's hurt.
You got another one? -Yeah.
6
Oh, okay _..Hey_..
DNA
-Now I get it. Rob's her mom and dad
Now that makes sense
Shut up. Foot, arrow, why?
I think we gotta pull it through -Oh, let me do it.
It was my idea, I said it first
Don't you hog it. Don't you touch him -Nobody touch him.
We're gonna be all right here
AII we need is a poultice with some maize that will draw--
Oh, shut up
That poultice shit doesn't work
It never worked. Are you insane?
Get some alcohol on this bitch
You should know plenty about that
You were born during the Prohibition
And there's the snap
That was bigger than I thought it was gonna be
Snap, crackle and pop
Abnormal origin. Pancreas Abnormal--
Such a mess. Such a mess I can not--
Excuse me? Princess Rita? Are you gonna help me?
No, Mr. Feder said that I must study for the big final
What final?
You tell me. He just keep handing me books
Never mind. Did you pack the adapters for Italy?
Yes, I did in L.A
Great. Just wipe your hands
I need you to organise all these papers in here very neatly, okay?
They cannot be ruined
Hello
Hi, this is Roxanne Feder I just wanna make sure--
Mommy. Mommy. It came out. It came out
Hold on, |'m on the phone, okay?
My tooth. It fell out
That's great, honey
Put it under the pillow and l'll put a dollar in there later
What?
Becky, |'m on the phone |'|| put the dollar under-
Why would you?
There's no Tooth Fairy?
I can't believe I just did that
Oh, Lenny, you should have seen her little face.
I don't know what's wrong with me
I mean, I try so hard and I can't seem to get anything right
You made a mistake. Parents make mistakes
Remember the time I told Greg that babies come from mommies' poop..
and he kept looking in the toilet for a baby brother?
That's not funny -|'m just saying.
Can you hear me now? Okay
Ijust feel
What about now? Now can you hear me?
I feel like I ruined her childhood
She was gonna find out eventually
Eventually, but not today
Can you hear me now? This is so cool.
-Are you there? Hey, didn't I say no cell phones?
I thought we had a deal
-What? What's up, Dad?
Are those cup phones?
Yeah, Charlotte taught us Cool, huh?
Hey, check out Becky's
Look, Dad. I have cup waiting
I gotta call you back, |'m on with SpongeBob
Was that a turkey?
Yo, Andre, can you hear me?
Crystal clear. Can you hear me?
Oh, yeah
So the best thing about these is we can leave a cup in the shower
...and listen to Jasmine clean herself tomorrow.
-What? Oh, my God!
May I borrow this?
Attention, children
There's been a request from the phone company
Would you please instal cup phones in every adult bedroom right away?
Thank you. All right. Go. Move it, move it, move it
I said, move it. Move it
Yes, I have always been the Tooth Fairy.
No, Bean's mommy is the Tooth Fairy for his family
I just cover our family
No, do not tell Bean, okay?
Becky, I love you so, so, so much, okay?
|'m sorry, sweetheart
Okay, you're costing me a fortune -No, you hang up first.
Let's go. This is gonna be a high cup bill
|t's nice to put maize on your arrow wound
What the hell is that? ls that Gloria laughing?
She's still here after he had a snap on her like that?
She forgave him right away -You are my special lady.
And you are my one-footed maize-covered lover.
Okay, come on, we gotta go to sleep
We're going to Milan tomorrow, right? A long flight.
Let's get our rest
Somebody kill that turkey
Is that getting me horny?
ES
You promise you'll still feed her after we leave?
I promise
Mommy, that's my milk
Bean, we have to learn howto share even with birds.
But he's going to drink you dry
This is good
I got it three times
Donna, you wanna try?
Sure. But I stink at sports
That's all right. Here
Hold it like this -Like this?
Get down low and throw it, and let the rock do the magic
-Nice. Oh, I skipped it
Good job, Donna -Bravo.
Do you know how to skip rocks?
Are you kidding me? I am the best at this.
Give me that. Now, watch, now
Oh, my God, baby, are you okay?
Yeah, Mom, |'m just glad to see you having some fun.
|'|| take your luggage to the car Mr. Feder.
That's not my luggage that's textbooks.
That's nice of you to take your own stuff down.
You're okay. Come on
Come on, man. Already? You're leaving?
Yes, I gotta go
Do you need any help getting to the airport?
We got a little problem
What? What happened?
I forgot how to skip a rock
Now, I think it's gonna take a couple of days to figure it out
0
I think we better stay
Are you kidding me?
For reals, Mom? We're not leaving?
I don't need to see a bunch of starving models walking around in my clothes.
Yeah, why would you wanna see models when you can see this?
See? You cou|dn't get that in Milan
You
What do you wanna do today? Anything.
I don't know. You tell me
What was your favourite thing to do when you were 12 and it was sunny?
Well, I can't do that
Maybe go to a water park
What are we waiting for?
-Seriously? Let's load up the car, people
Are you kidding me?
-|'m not taking my shirt off. |'m not taking my shirt off either
You're wasting it
Sorry
|t's all right
|t's actually not that bad
-Ladies' day. All right? You're in charge
I have to go number two
Okay, hang on, son
Hey, Dad
Hey. Where you guys been?
Well, we didn't bring our swimsuits, so Marcus went to take us to buy some.
We got them at a store called Naughty and Nice
Marcus said it was the only one open
The only place open? For bathing suits? In the summer?
We got my bathing suit at Stop and Shop.
Now, that's-- I like that one
Let's hit the water slide
Water slide
What a beautiful day
God. |t's a girls' day -I know.
It is hot
Oh, boy
Are we really doing bathing suits? -God, it's hot.
Come on, girls. We don't know these people. Who cares?
You're right, who cares? |'ve been working all summer on this six-pack
All right
How do you feel about that?
Baby got front -Go D. Go D.
Come on, Sally, it's your turn Take it off.
Oh, no. I have a bit of a chill, actually
Gloria, how about you?
I don't own a bathing suit But I like to go nude.
-No, no, no. There's children here
Hey, somebody likes what he sees
Daddy, this |ine's not even moving -I know.
I want Mommy's milk
I know you do, son, but
He wants mommy's milk. Give him some mommy's milk
Mommy's milk! Mommy's milk!
No. No. Damn it
No more Mommy's milk, okay?
You want milk, you're drinking regular milk
Here, kid -Hey.
Don't give me any guff right now. Here's a buck. Run along. Run along
Here. Drink the milk out of the carton
I don't know if Mommy will want me to.
All right, just drink it, okay? Just like Daddy does. Let me show you, okay?
Okay
|'m just like Daddy
There you go
No more booby milk
More for us
So, ladies, how do we get Mr. Banana Hammock...
to come over here, where we can get a better look at him?
Okay. Well, there's two big advantages to breast-feeding
and |'m gonna put mine to work
Sally
That's it, girl
Oh, my goodness
Work that umbrella pole, baby -Sally. Oh, my God.
Oh, it's definitely working. Yeah -You're good at that.
Oh, my God, he likes it -Look at him flex.
No, continue
All right, doing the back-door shuffle Cutting the line. Go.
Don't get hurt
Go, go, go
Dad, are we allowed to go through here?
Absolutely not, but we're doing it anyway
All right, your cool dad found this back in the day.
Go up the ladder
|t's dark in there. Maybe you should hold my hand
|'m scared
Hey. Come here, come here
Don't fall for that crap. You stay away from him
What are you talking about? He's gay, isn't he?
No. He just seems gay
He's a genius
Go, go, go
Alrighty, who's next?
All right, who's next?
Now's a good time. Charlotte
You're up first
-There you go. Have fun, Charlotte
There you go. Who's next? Go
-Is he coming this way? He's coming towards us right now
This is good now -He is.
Whatever you do, don't fart
Hey, what's up, ladies?
So you're from around these parts, eh?
Yeah, |'m from Saskatchetoon That's up in Canada, eh?
You American ladies, you've been out to Saskatchetoon, eh?
Hoseteasers
Everything was on steroids except for his voice.
Go, go, go
Out, out, out
Now, now, now
Nex
All right, who's next? Hey, weren't you guys just here?
No. I think you have us confused with some other people.
I don't think so, you're two of the hottest chicks |'ve ever seen in my life
-Hey. What?
These are my daughters -Right.
Her, definitely
Because she's fugly, just like you
-Hey. Now, who's next?
Dad. Come on. Hurry up, I wanna go to Pirate's Plunge
One second. Yeah, We're going on all the rides. We're doing them all
We'|| have fun
Are you making a sissy?
No, |'m not
You know they put a chemical in the pool that turns urine blue
No, no, no, that's an old wives' tale sweetie. That's an old wives' tale.
Oh, my God. You're humiliating me
Mama, Mama
Wanna take a picture?
All right. A little farther
Farther
Gotcha
I don't know about this one, Dad |t's kind of steep.
|t's alittle steeper than I remember
Okay, |et's go on another ride
-I don't like it either, yeah. Come on, we'|| get out of here
Good thing the kid chickened out so you don't have to go, right, Feder?
Why don't you hire somebody to do it for you, Mr. Richie Rich?
Good idea. Hey, Wiley, what's up, man?
Step aside. Let me get this on -All right, son.
Hasta Ia vista, chicken shiznit
Yeah, look at him go
Go, kid
That was good. That was very nice
All right, now I want some of this
Look at this. Look at this
-What happened there? Attaboy. Way to go, Greggie
Backwards, huh? Look at him
Backwards, baby
You're up, Hollywood
|'m up? All right. I don't know how you follow backwards.
Just pay attention to the dismount would you?
Looks like second place again BaHey,huh?
Hear this guy? Second place -Second place.
Go down there hanging by your feet
Show these idiots
By my feet?
Yeah
Is that safe?
What do you care? You're an animal You're an animal.
|'m an animal
Wiley
Why don't you do it? -I got kids.
Yeah, Wiley
Wiley, Wiley, Wiley
Oh, you don't need to do this
|'m an animal
Yeah
I can't get my foot out
That's how you do it, boy
-Becky. You can do this
Good. There you go -Give me a five.
Roxanne, look at him. |t's like he totally forgot about me
Typical man
They take all you can give and then they trade you in for some cow.
I don't know what |'m supposed to do with these now
0
Now, see that, buddy?
I did the old bank shot. Bank's open. Pick a spot. Aim for it
Oh, yeah. Your dad'|| go 50 for 50 with these.
Really? Because on the Wii the bank shot never works.
Yeah? Well, you should Wii-turn it and get a Wii-fund.
Tim Duncan's had about a hundred game winners with that bad boy.
Honey, are you watching me?
Oh, baby, that was hot
Come here, let me show you -Way to go, baby.
Move it, move it, move it What you gotta do is ....
See the box up there? Top right corner of it?
Hello?
Focus, boy, focus. Get off of that
Lamonsoff, focus
Oh, my God, what a perv
He's totally checking me out
He wasn't .... I don't know
All right, come on. Go ahead
Follow through. Keep the hand up
Are you kidding me?
Respect
See how good you can be when you wear normal clothes?
Hey, Mama -Hey, baby.
How come you're not out there playing basketball?
-You know I got-- You got bunions. Where's Kurt?
Come on, are you scared?
What's wrong with you?
Stop it
Somebody's in trouble
Not looking good
Ido the same thing
All right, I did everybody's first shot for them.
Now you do the second one
Come on, now
No, nobody's doing shots
We got kids here, dummy. Gotta wake up in the morning
We're gonna biz beers instead. Who's got beers? Check them off
-|'m gonna go with one. Yeah, |'|| stick with coffee
|'m having this many -Cheers.
-|'m breast-feeding, I don't drink. |'m just having Metamucil tonight
What's wrong with you guys?
We used to come up here and party man, and get wasted.
You losers
Don't worry, you'|| grow up one day You just have to meet the right girl.
Oh, my older sister would be perfect for you
What?
She's legally blind, but she can see shapes
Anyways, Roxanne, how did you and Lenny meet?
That's a good question
How did this blob of crap no offence...
meet this lovely sehorita?
Oh, he came into the department store where I was working.
I helped him
He wanted me to try this skirt on
Oh, the old "try on the skirt" trick
I got you. Very sneaky, sis
Yeah, he did trick me. Afterwards he made me try on a bra and--
Hey, I was just trying to help
-Exactly. Okay, okay. I did like him a little
It was a good day
Oh, God! Oh, my water My water's breaking.
The baby's coming!
Are you serious? -Oh, yeah.
Oh, you
Oh, my God
I got you, I got you, I got you
All right
|'m just playing
Oh, my God, it's
Do you know this song? Oh, this song's the best.
This song is the best
Oh, this song gets me so horny
You know, I was thinking that but now not so much.
|'d like to claim credit for that
Because that's all part of my "get some nookie" playlist.
Get the ladies on the dance floor and I got my lady right here.
Come on, honey
That was a really good move -Let's do this.
Yeah, you guys dance
It has been a while -Along while.
I know how much you love to dance
Oh, you know me, |'m a regular Shabba-Doo
Look at you
All sexy. Deanne
You should change your name to Deyoncé.
on,Gou
Yeah, so now he thinks |'m sexy, huh?
Can I just enjoy a dance with my fine-ass wife?
Yes. To the whitest song ever. Yes
Yes, this is the whitest song |'ve ever heard.
You know, Lenny, you were right about bringing us here.
This place is really special
It is, right?
Nothing's going on here and I love it.
Roxanne, I have made out with about 25 different girls in this very spot...
and I want you to be number 26
As long as |'m the last one
Oh, that's a guarantee
|'m horny too
Hey, what are you doing? You idiot
Lamonsoff. What are you doing up?
I gotta tell you, it was crazy -What?
Sally. She just attacked me
Like never before. It was insane
I just did the same thing with my woman.
Really?
Hey, where's Sas katchetoon?
Yeah. I don't know
-What am I? A hoseteaser
And where are you from? -Saskatchetoon.
Look at this
And what am I? -A hoseteaser.
And where are you from? -Saskatchetoon.
What are we gonna do with Higgins?
Yeah, and you know what? This is what pisses me off:
You can't be passed-out drunk, single with no responsibility and not pay.
You have to be hurt for that
Yeah
Sweetheart?
You fell asleep on the couch again
You know you supposed to go to your room.
You're bad
0
Marcus, the bird is all better
Marcus. He wants to talk to you
Marcus, you're gonna be the best lifeguard at the whole pool.
Hold your breath, honey
Who's that?
Oh, it's mommy's boyfriend
The one who touches you
He's crying, he's crying
All right, quiet -Hi, Mama.
All right. |t's all right -Mama?
Okay, baby. |t's okay, precious -Mama?
|'m gonna take you upstairs
Go and put your PJ's on, okay? You can't fall asleep--
You can't just sleep anywhere you know that.
You go to your room
-Go to sleep. You go to your room
What you doing? -Come here.
This isn't a closet. This is your bedroom
Okay? |t's also your bathroom You can make a pee-pee.
|'m making a pee-pee
Happy Fourth of July, everyone
|t's the birdy's Independence Day too so keep your fingers crossed, honey.
She did it, Daddy -Here we go.
-Bye, birdy. She's flying
She's gonna be a veterinarian. Is this girl incredible or what?
That's so sexy. What did you say?
Oh, I think that she said
Milan
You know, these guys at the store were talking so much smack...
about this basketball rematch that's supposed to go on.
Well, l'm glad we're getting these uniforms ready.
No more drinkie
Did you really sleep in the closet you drunk?
Think so
0
Oh, God, Higgins
That's disgusting -You slob.
Oh, I had the sexiest dream about a little blond girl, though
I think it was a dream
Oh, nice. Classy -Sick.
These devilled eggs would really be good if you had some marinara sauce
Oh, it's Lenny's phone
Hello?
All right, here we go
Oh, that's a three
That's one, two, three, ladder Ladder.
Oh, that's it. The rich keep getting richer
All right. All right Schniggly is here
So, come on, Robbie, tell the man what's going on
He doesn't care
-Tell him. What are you talking about? Tell him
Gloria and I are thinking about having a baby.
How great is that?
That's great
You know, the good news is she can't get any more stretch marks.
Boy, that's a good one -Come on.
You know, the good thing also is Gloria and the kid can share diapers
Man. You see, that's just ugly
He doesn't get it. He's not in a committed relationship
He can't, because he can't stay in a committed relationship.
Oh, look. He's just mad because all the girls I go out with
are 70 to 80 years younger than his wife.
Can't stop
The last one I was with, she's blond she's tall, super hot. Not your type.
Me and blondie, we start going at it and we're shaking the bed--
Shaking the bed? What does shaking the bed mean?
I don't know, Ijust know wetting the bed. I don't know ....
And then, right at the "good part you know?
This picture behind, right on the wall falls and goes:
Hits her on the forehead
She cut her head
It cuts her. I didn't slow down
I just throw her two aspirins, she yaps on them like a Frisbee dog
I am tired. Marcus, your snoring kept me up all night long.
You're a dead man. Get back here
Come back here. That's my baby girl I thought you were my friend.
Leave me alone. Drink your maize
You're gonna pay this time
You bastard. |'|| show you how to be nice
-Bad turtles. You evil pig
Robbie, wait He's psycho
Stop. Stop
Hey, break it up, man. Jeez, guys
-All right. Calm down
Buddy. Buddy. What's the problem?
Oh, yeah. Arrow foot
-Come here, baby. Come on. Why are you fighting?
Good to see midget wrestling again
How could you do that? That's my daughter.
-Do what? Shake the bed with her
You think I would do that to you?
Out of any of us you'd be the one to do that
You did sleep with Stimpson's mother
I didn't even know that guy. He was your friend. I barely knew him
She grabbed my wiener I told you guys.
That's his daughter. |t's different -Me and him?
Okay. Maybe I flirted with him, but that was just to get your attention
Well, what about his snoring? -I heard it too.
Oh, no. Twice?
We heard it from three rooms away
He's off the hook. You know Marcus wou|dn't be with your daughter.
I mean, not that she's-- You know what |'m saying
-Well, what happened to your head? When I was changing into my PJs...
...I got the feeling that some perv was looking through my window...
.so I went to go close the shade and I tripped and hit my head.
Yeah, dude, that's your daughter
|'d never be with her. You're my best friend, man
And Jasmine'd never be with me because |'m me.
Look, sorry I don't have my whole life together, like Lenny
Oh, together, like Lenny
Please
I answered your phone, hipécrita
It was your assistant
I asked him if he cancelled the flight to Milan. He said he did
Before we even came here
He said that? Why would he say that? I mean ....
So he just made that up, huh?
|'m not saying he made it up
|'m think-- In his head he believes it's true
Don't you agent me, Lenny
Stop trying to handle everybody and everything
_.and start taking a little responsibility for once.
|'|| take responsibility Okay? You're right.
I thought it would be better for our family to be here with normal people
instead of going to Milan
We're normal?
I was scared to tell you. It was easier for me to keep it a secret
You peel back any marriage there are secrets.
Mine is I love you. I love you very much
Roxanne, |just-- I
Our kids are becoming nutty snotty, spoiled ....
We got a nanny, we got -So she is a nanny.
No, no, no. She's not a nanny
Of course she's a nanny
When does the lying stop?
It stops right after this
She's more of an au pair Not a nanny.
Lenny
All right. That's it. The lying stops now
I won't lie to you ever again I swear to God.
I love you
Men lie
They can't help themselves
Kurt sure as hell lies
What do I lie about Toe-J Simpson?
Oh, please. The nanny
What about the nanny?
You have a thing for her
Ido not have a thing for the nanny |'m a married man. Period.
But did I enjoy a nice conversation with a woman that wasn't going...
..."Where's this?" and Did you pick up that?" Yeah
What, you can have nice conversations with me
When? You're always working
And when you come home, you're just tired all the time
You barely even touch me or look at me.
He sounds like an old woman
Deanne, you should have married Umberto Denunzio like I told you.
And if I had stayed with him you'd be the one that's pregnant now, Mama.
You probably right, sweetheart
|'|| just butt out
Thank you
Look, maybe I do take you for granted and |'m sorry.
How's about I take you out every Thursday night for date night.
No, Thursday's Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be beautiful
And as long as we're all being honest I think I should be honest too.
l'm actually not a part owner of the lawn furniture store.
I don't even work there anymore
I got laid off in April
But I rented the Caddy
and I acted like a big shot because I didn't want you guys to know.
Lamonsoff
You don't have to hide anything from us. |'m sorry
Yeah. Since we're getting things off our chests here...
I got a confession to make
|'m wearing a toup
No shit
I have a confession to make
|'m really a man
-No. I said that
-Are you kidding? No, |'m just kidding. |'m just kidding
l'm really a little hurt that so many of you believed it.
We were just saying that -You're very womanly.
Nevertheless. I know it's not my place, but
Well, after all, I am older than anyone here
Hell, yeah, you are
Well, despite the joking and the razzing, I see a lot of love here
And with love comes hostility
Like Rob when he snapped at me the other day.
That was scary
And you all thought that I was so calm but inside?
Inside I was saying
Gloria Noonan
do not call him a bug-eyed sociopath with a little-man complex.
Do not say that his hair makes him look like a dirty Q-tip."
Ilikethat
Or that he resembles an elder gay Jonas brother."
They get it. They get the point of where you're going.
Or a midget Filipino Fonzie I didn't say those things.
That's my favourite one -Hey.
Toupee
Life can be difficult sometimes
It gets bumpy, what with family and kids
...and things not going exactly like you planned
But that's what makes it interesting
In life, the first act, always exciting
The second act
that's where the depth comes in
Why didn't you ever tell us that she gets it?
Yeah, you were holding out
That's what |'ve been trying to tell you guys.
That was beautiful, honey That was beautiful.
Group hug
Okay, it's in position
I don't know, man. This thing looks crazy
lt'll be fun. I spent all morning blowing that thing up.
You should be all right
Should be? -Yeah.
Ready?
0
Let's do that again
|t's not a favour. |t's like a great investment for me, man.
A car detailing centre
And there's none around it's gonna be a goldmine
I don't wanna take your money
You're making me more -I want in, okay?
I know the owner of the Celtics And I can get us that account.
Those guys all drive Bentleys and Ferraris
How do you know the owner of the Celtics?
Hey, |'m the leader of his daughter's Girl Scout troop
If he wants to make sure she gets her Cookie Biz badge
he will give us that account
I love you guys love it. I love it
You ready to have some fun?
Yeah. Hit it
Okay
Go. Go. You gotta get it in high
You really wanna do this, Bailey?
My five against your five
Oh, boy, look at this
I see the boys stayed in shape, huh?
Robideaux, good to see you
Lenny
If you're looking at me, I don't know
Look, we just wanna eat watermelon and relax, if you're all right with that
Oh, no. |t's not all right. You're not gonna weasel out of this one, Feder
Wiley snuck out of intensive care to see you finally get some justice
Yo. You best be getting to balling, Feder.
Oh, hey, Wiley. Was the field goal good?
Yeah. First time I ever heard that one
Okay. Sorry, man
Do you want me to get something off the top shelf? Heard that one a lot too
Seriously, Dickie, let us just hang out with our families. We wanna relax.
Yeah. They're afraid of us That's what it is.
We're afraid you might eat the ball before we even start the game.
Same old Higgins. He can talk the talk but he can't
I forget the rest
We got Rob here with the bad foot You can't do it, right, buddy?
I think if the Buzzer was here he'd want me to try.
I think he'd want us all to try
Was that William Shatner?
All right, |et's do this, then -|t's on.
Game to 21
Hey, hey. Okay, come on
Guys! Look!
Well, well, well, if it isn't the other black guy who grew up here.
No, no, no. In this town, |'m the black guy and you're the other black guy.
No, man, in this town |'m the black guy.
White people see me coming in their store, they get scared
Yeah? When white people see me coming into their store, they run.
Yeah, yeah. These my white people Go get your own.
You crazy, man
Lucky shot
Defence, defence, defence
In your face
Hey, guys. Motion '78
To me, man
Show me what you got. Say what?
Hey, Y! Where's M-C-A?
What the hell is that? Sounds like owls having sex
Robideaux, heads up
-What are you doing? |'m sorry! |'m sorry! Did that go in?
You made me spill my freaking beer.
Honey, why does everything always have to be about you?
Why do you always have to be such a dink?
Get that. Yeah, yeah, right there
I can't do this anymore
I can't even breathe
I haven't felt my legs since the second quarter
Hey, you wanna fake injuries?
You got it -Okay.
Oh, my-- Oh, God!
I can't go on. I got a slippery disk
Oh, hon
Oh, it just slipped out -|'m done.
Somebody's gonna have a heart attack.
What are you doing?
That's it?
Darth Vader, |et's go. Sit down
Please, honey
Is that a cannoli from Virgi|io's?
Did you seriously just take your daughter's cannoli?
|t's from Virgi|io's. Leave me alone
Don't choke, Daddy
What do you say we bring my son and your son into this?
-Done. Greggie
-Me? Yeah. Go, Greg
Come on, baby. You can do this
Hey, Bailey
Somebody fill up that jug with some Boss water, for the Hollywood kid.
|t's Voss, with a V
Would you mind if I touch your belly? I love babies. I love to feel them kick.
Yeah, go ahead -Oh, thank you.
That's not my baby, that's my boob
Oh, I like to feel those too -Hey.
Hey, no harm done
All right, take it out. Come on -Sixteen to 16.
Half court, two on two. Let's go
Keep your feet off the line this time
|t's tied score. Tied score. Let's see something. Nice throw
Tied score, guys
All right, son. All right
-We're up 19-16. Let's go. All right, son. Give me the ball
-Come on, son. That's it, Greg. You can do it
You know what's going on
Oh, yes. |t's raining threes on Hollywood.
His foot was on the line. Your foot was on the line
It ain't raining threes
-|t's drizzling twos! That's all right. Good shot
Wasn't no three. Foot was on the line -Next basket wins. Let's go.
Come on
This is it, pal
Take him out, baby
All right, all right, all right Take him, baby. Take him.
Pop it, Lenny
Bank's open, Dad
He never misses that shot
Down goes Hollywood
We'|| crush them next year. |'|| work on my left when we get back to L.A.
That's my boy. I love you -I love you too.
You're awesome
Way to go! -We did it!
Hey,Lenny
I thought you never missed a bank shot.
Yeah. Well, I just thought
the Baileys needed to learn how to win every once in a while...
and Feders needed to learn how to lose.
That was nice -Yeah?
|'m proud of you
Look at these guys
Lenny. Hey, man -Yeah, buddy.
I know you're bummed about losing the game for us.
And you're drunk?
-No.Yes Oh,okay
Hey, man, there's one thing they'|| never beat us at.
What's this?
Arrow roulette, baby
We are good at that -Yeah.
-All right. What are you doing?
Last one to stay in wins -No, no, no.
Becky
Run away. Not again
Get out of my way
Little help here? Take me with you?
Seriously, you're gonna leave me?
0
We win again